While we may be all one, and though your world may be a mirror of you interior, no one is to blame, all doing our best, we still have feelings. 

How do we honor our own self, while learning, being open to new possibilities? 

Embrace change. Inner change. The stories will fade, as you come into coherence with your world, which very much requires your authentic attendance. 

I’m a good boy

I’ve done my best

I’d never shut anyone out

Sure, I have time

Of course I’ll help

I’m strong, lay it on me

I put my best foot forward

For you I will, I do, I am

By helping you I help me

And besides, I’m not a selfish person

Can always give more

There are many to take

Many in need

Many which seem to like having me around

Who am I when I’m alone?

Thinking of anyone but myself

I’m not in need of anything

I’m so used to this

Don’t ask my opinion

Unless you want a strong answer

Lay on the soft bed I made for you

I’ll take the floor

My goodness is all I have

Helping, a must

Deep down I’ve grown tired

Saddened yet willing to give

Don’t ask me how I feel

I sort that out alone

Me, my biggest connection

The good boy with the whip

Now, I just want to be left alone

In this silence the groans and pains of yesterday have found the surface

And it’s not easy to say

I’ve got some rage

Some serious rage

And I’ve kept it hidden, blind of it, blinded by it, like a good boy, for a long long time

The air I breathe today seems different

It’s softer, feels cooler

Brighter even

My chest rises on its own

An invitation

For more life

For more love

For more. More. More! And more.

Life is a wonderful place

A butterfly just flew by

Right by my face

Floated right across me

So soft and graceful

A pleasant fragrance in its wake

Like a flower had grown wings

The air raising her birth

Up into the sky

Magnificent fluttering flower

Dancing in the garden

So delighted with your wings

So treasured is your flight

Into my awareness with a soft kiss of color

I feel your vibrance

Lifting me off my feet

God, love, the way ❤️

There is a bird that sits on a nearby tree on a small hill

He’s cozy

Content

Has himself a nice spot

Each morning he sings in the warm rising sunlight to my delight

Part of it all

So content, song so beautiful

Such a calm and peaceful life on the small hill

The tree his home

Tender branches, delicate wind in the leaves

He wants me to know that peace is blessing

Cute, calm, content

What more does he need or want

There’s lots of room in that tree

If you can’t see your own shadows

It’s probably your own self protecting you 

Bc it knows if you knew, 

You’d beat the ever living shit out of yourself. 

So, as you get safer, more able to give yourself grace, you will begin to know (that which has been in the shadows) 

I know they love me

They are just so different

And what I receive in return doesn’t seem to fill my cup

And I love them

And it’s possible I don’t fill theirs either

And they love me

So guess we love each other

Yet, there is such deeper connection and satisfaction to be enjoyed.

I guess I’ll just appreciate the life I have and focus on me.

It’s not their fault. Of mine.

Live your life how you want. I’m going to live mine.

I’m sure I have my blind spots

Certainly I can be shallow

When it comes to my inner world and emotions, there is tremendous depth.

Sometimes, many times, when I have shared with others, I am confident the depth of the experience is not landing, and rather, is being substituted with something unfitting, and many times, simpler.

It’s far from satisfying

(Positive affirmation: I speak honestly and authentically. I trust the best people and relationships connect with me here and now. Amen.)

It’s been great 

I’ve had everything I need

All provisions met

But for one thing 

Just a detail

I mean, who could complain, it’s been so easy right? 

Wouldn’t want to get carried away, lose perspective on how grateful

I should be 

I have nothing to complain about 

Really, it’s been great. 

Seriously, I have so much freedom and health. 

So I’d only be a stinker to complain, that I’ve never felt really truly loved and accepted. 

I’ve never really been able to be close, with anyone, share my true colors without fear it’ll push them away too.

So yeah, just a minor thing. Everything else is great. This heart, knows how to wait.